the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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