Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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