none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
