I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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