dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
