I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
