So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
