In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
