Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
