Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
