If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
