I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
