I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
