No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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