Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
