The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
