just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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