He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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