I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
