Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
