So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
