I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
