There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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