VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
