You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
