I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
