I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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