Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
