I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
