he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
