you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
