New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
