Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
