Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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