Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
