listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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