I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you still have your period?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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