Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
