I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
