I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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