I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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