omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
