Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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