What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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