Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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