good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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