Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
