You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would ride that face into the sunset
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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