ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
