Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
