I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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