I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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